


of telephones and text messages

by reapersadvocate



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Angst, Collegestuck, Depression, Fluff, Humanstuck, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, WHATS NEW LMAO, i love my gay boys, karkat is an idiot, sorry @karkats mom 4 killing you off, this is gonna get gay, this was sadder than it was supposed to be, yeah sorry about that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 08:59:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4257366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reapersadvocate/pseuds/reapersadvocate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat gets a new phone and can't push in numbers correctly, and so ends up calling Dave to talk about his life problems, rather than Kanaya.</p><p>Before he knows it, Karkat has been texting this stranger for a few weeks, yet knows jack shit about him, and Kanaya just happens to want to introduce Karkat to her girlfriend's cousin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. mistakes were made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i started this when i have another fic 2 finish. mistakes were made

Oh fuck. 

Oh fuuuuck.

You stare at your phone, which is currently lying faced down on the floor, as you whisper prayers you every god you can think of. Alas, you, Karkat Vantas, have dropped your phone. Jesus fuck, it's not like you meant it. When you're mid- rant about a really serious (no, I mean, REALLY serious) problem you were having, to your good friend Kanaya, you get pretty into it: face all scrunched up, hands clammy- and thats how it slipped out of your grip. Now, you have no clue as to what condition your phone was in. You almost flinch as you recall the sickening crack that resounded through the very planet as it fell to the ground. 

Oh, you're so fucked.

Slowly, but surely, you reach a shaky clawed hand out to the device, corners of your mouth downturned severely as you try to extend the period of time between now and actually SEEING your phone screen. Two people have stopped to watch you, and they look pretty nervous too. They share your suffering- but pain won't buy you a new phone. 

Standing fully once more, you gently turn the device in your grip and- aauGH FUCK your phone is completely and utterly rekt. A spiderweb of cracks spread from each corner of your screen, and in some places, part of your screen is MISSING, revealing ugly frayed circuits beneath. Your trusty phone, hand-me-down from your father, which you have owned for two years, is fucking dead. The screen reminds you of the void. Your world is gone. 

There is no WAY on this earth that you can buy a new one on your shitty cliche coffee shop salary. No offense, kid, but youre going to be saving up for a while. You look to the bright side, at least you still have all of your pictures saved on your computer drive, and its not like you had many friends to retrieve phone numbers from anyway.

Yay.

So, that's what you do. You adorn your puke-green Starbucks hat and apron (for little over five fucking weeks), and take up extra shifts, like a good little working class college undergraduate. Sure, Kanaya could lend you money, but you hated knowing that you were in someone's debt, even if she did insist that you didn't owe her. She does enough for you already.

Eridan, one of your many douchey hipster co-workers, (who clearly only shopped at Superdry) was kind enough to lend you his phone to call your best friend, who's number was crudely written on the back of your hand. 

Kanaya arrives not too long after, when you only have a few more tables to wipe down, and the only other employee on site is Equius (third year in mechanics and also), your boss. When you finish, you sit across from her and push your face against the lovely clean surface before you. 

"You're struggling", Mistress Obvious states, matter-of-factly. You groan again, louder, before lifting your head. 

"I have lost contact with the world. My high score on Subway Surf is now fucking gone. I can only talk to you through ERIDAN'S phone- and I swear to all that is holy- he's going to start charging me for using it soon. Death is coming, Kanaya. It is coming, and it is coming swiftly." 

"This isn't as bad as you think, Karkat. You're just having surprisingly violent withdrawal symptoms."

"You're probably right, but I'm still mad."

She rolls her perfectly lined eyes at you, before drumming her elegant green nails against the booth table. "So. Are you going to tell me what's actually wrong, or not?"

You hate that she knows you too well, and so curse under your breath, to which Kanaya arches an eyebrow. "I don't know. It's nothing, don't worry."

"You're grieving, Karkat. It's normal", thank you again, Mistress Obvious.

Clenching and unclenching your jaw before reponding, your hand wanders to the the little chain around your left wrist. It was hers. It was your mother's.

"Karkat, it's barely been six months since the funeral. Some people don't move on that easily, and that's okay. Just promise me that you'll talk to someone at some point. It doesn't have to be me."

"Of course it's going to be you. It's not like I can talk to her about it", you snort humourlessly, avoiding Kanaya persistant, piercing gaze. She takes your hand and holds it almost too gently. The act is practically screaming "LET ME HELP YOU, GOD DAMN IT", and you satisfy her slightly by returning her stare. Glancing at her watch quickly, she sighs, releases your hands, and then stands.

"I have to go. Call me when you get your new phone tomorrow, okay?", and with a few graceful steps, she's out.

Equius stops you from slamming your head against the table once she's gone. You thank the sweaty ogre on your way out of the coffee shop, throwing your apron up in the air behind you. 

On a lighter note, by actually respecting the customers who ordered the shittiest drinks (you were sure half the names were made up) and picking up all the extra shifts you could without promptly dropping dead, you managed to raise enough money to buy your replacement phone. Lucky for you, the one you had your eye one had actually decreased in price since the release of the newer models, whoopty doo.

So, the next morning, you take the bus into town from your apartment and enter the store. You're out within four minutes, awkwardly slotting in your SIM card as you walk down the street, tongue poking out of your mouth in concentration. You somehow manage not to drop it, good on you. 

Now you just had to try and get your Crossy Road high score back- oh, and call Kanaya.


	2. what the hell is wrong with you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geez, nothing is going right for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i needed this out of my head and onto my screen
> 
> it's late

It's early evening on a Sunday.

Low orange light squeezes through the gaps in the blinds, leaving bright lines through the otherwise dark expanse of your strangely clean room. The lines bend at the meet of your bed with the floor, on which you're currently lying on top of. One arm is bent over your eyes, shading them from the amber invading your room, while your left hand supports the phone to your head. It's only been a day since you got your phone, and you've spent every free second on the phone to Kanaya as you finally fucking talk about your problems- kind of. You're not actually saying anything.

Groaning for the third time in that one conversation, Kanaya sighs. You don't want to admit that you're crying, but it doesn't matter because she can probably hear it in your voice. It's shaking- weak, and you hate yourself even more for it. You wish you could be as strong as your dad is being about your mom.

"Karkat, you do realise that most conversations are two-way, right?", her voice is firm as she tries to coerce you into saying more than just a few words.

"Look, Kan, I appreciate what you're doing- really, I do, but no amount of me talking about the raging pointless swirl of emotions in my head is going to bring her back. She's- she's dead! She's gone- and me talking about it isn't going to magically fix all of my problems and resurrect her."

"I never said it would", she counters, and you can almost hear her deflate. You appreciate that she's trying, but you don't feel like you're getting anywhere.

"Look, Karkat, we're all worried about you. And I know you fail to recognize that you may require our help more than you seek it, but we're here for you."

"... Who the fuck is 'we'?"

"Sollux. Rose. Aradia, Gamzee, hell- Terezi is worried sick. Jade is concerned. John and Nepeta, too."

Ah. That explains all of the random check ups on you, the small gifts, taking you out for coffee and the like. 

"We've all noticed that you're not quite yourself. You lose your temper more easily- you barely eat, you hardly sleep. Terezi even insists that you SMELL sad. We're just- worried. We want to help you through this, but you have to let us help you."

You're crying harder at this point, small sobs causing you to shake a little. Considering you were virtually unaware that this was all happening, and that people were this concerned for you, you were beyond shocked. You supposed that you were too busy trying to busy yourself with college and work in an attempt to ignore the dull (yet painfully consistent) ache of loss, that you forgot your friends had noticed too. You shake your head, even though she obviously can't can't hear the action. Maybe talking about it would mean that you wouldnt have any pain to ignore anymore.

Okay, deep breath- DO IT. Nothing is impossible.

"Are you okay?", Kanaya questions.

"No", you reply. And then finally, you talk.

"...Because she was the only member of my family I could talk to, you know? Because Kankri was an asshole, and dad was always in the church, because he had a shit ton if commitment, and all that jazz. I always thought- if there is a god, why did she have to die? And- well, after that, I just got angry. The tumour eventually spread from her lungs and just got bigger, and was virtually inoperable near the end. She denied so much treatment because she knew that it would put us in debt after she was gone. She was so kind and I-"

BEEP BEEP BEEP.

At this point, you'd walked to the other side of your apartment, where the connection is absolute SHIT. You curse aloud, staring at the screen. 'Connection lost - call ended.' Angrily punching in the number on the back of your hand again (which had been further smudged as you tried to wipe your tears), you waited until the ringing stopped until continuing.

"But, as I was saying. In any other case, the cancer would've been completely treatable- but we just didn't have the money. That's- that's when I started skipping lectures to see her. I had to. And, even as she lost her hair. And all of that weight- she still smiled at me like she just hopped off of a rollercoaster whenever I came to visit. I felt like no one would ever love me more than my mom could... And after she died, I practically stopped talking to dad. I was so mad at him for spending all of that fucking time at the church praying for her- when he couldve been at her bedside with me- like he fucking should've. I guess that's why I still dont have that great of a relationship wiith him. I felt so hopeless after the funeral, and I didn't know what to do with myself, so I did nothing. I guess that's what put me in this position six months later, right?"

You sigh, feeling like at least some sort of weight had been lifted off of your shoulders once you'd finished talking. It was getting late anyway.

"Fuck, man, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom", came a voice that CERTAINLY wasn't Kanaya's. Your eyes widen and you yelp out the word "FUCK", before hanging up. Geez, nothing is going right for you. You text Kanaya an apology and an explanation, before dragging yourself to bed and passing out immediately from emotional exhaustion. Hey, Kanaya did say that you didn't necessarily have to talk to her about your issues.

The following morning, when you get up for your lecture, you notice you have a text. 

"you probably had the wrong number and all, but i understand where youre coming from and youll be alright

feel better soon man"

It makes you smile a little, even though you have no fucking clue who the sender is.


	3. an unlikely friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your mom loved sunflowers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't want karkats typing quirk to be a thing in this because i fucking hate it

Whoever is on the other end of your texts is awfully chatty.

Like, heck, you thought YOU spoke a lot, but this guy probably holds the world record for the most amount of bullshit in one set of messages. After your little long-winded feelings jam with the stranger, you've become sort of acquainted, although he seems like a little bit of an asshole. You don't mind that much, although you give the impression that you do. Talking to him rids you of mid-afternoon boredom, so you weren't complaining, much. It started out with a few sympathy texts, and condolences, and the like- but soon moved on to the odd random check-up. God, had you really sounded that sad?

Within a few weeks of your slip up calling Kanaya, the stranger texted you almost every day, and sometimes even had some good advice for you. It seems like he had also experienced loss too, and it made you feel a little less alone, even though you had no fucking clue who this kid was. He spoke so much, yet never had anything important to say in regards to himself.

Oh. Incoming text.

'yo swag master in the house'  
'well not in the house because im outside'  
'you get the point man'  
'the weather is so shit today'  
'well i mean the suns out and all but its so fucking bright that i want to cry'  
'well not cry'  
'maybe complain a bit but i aint that emotional'  
'anyway suns out buns out am i right'  
'im too busy ironically basking in the glorious fact that youre not replying'  
'no but seriously reply im bored out of my perfectly sculpted mind'  
'are you taking a shit or something because i can bother you later'

You respond after a minute, rolling your eyes.

'Does it never occur to you that I have to do better and more productive things than talk to you about how stupidly hot it is outside?'  
'If you're bored, go and fucking do something! It's not my responsibility as your apparent primary care giver to supply you with attention as and when you so desire, you obnoxious shit sponge.'

'youre on your break at work, aren't you'

Oh, fuck this guy. You hated that he could so easily suss out what you were doing. He wasn't necessarily nosy, he just remembered stuff that you told him. It was both endearing and annoying as shit.

'What's it to you, asshole?"

'youre always bored at work anyway so quit acting like my texts arent a virtual gift from our sweet lord up above'  
'since youre not doing anything get me some luke warm bean juice pronto, snap snap motherfucker'  
'in other news howve you been holding up'

'By my standards, pretty well.'

'yeah uh huh and what about standards for normal people who maintain a healthy lifestyle'  
'did you actually go grocery shopping this week and buy more than instant noodles and crackers'

'Geez. I don't need you mothering me, especially since I don't even know who the hell you are, and I have about six billion other people doing that very same thing.'  
'I bought food, congratulations for me.'

It was true. Kanaya, Terezi and Gamzee were currently on mom patrol. Considering you hadn't been food shopping in quite some time, and had been living off of dry Weetabix and packet waffles for the past month or so on and off, someone had to go to the store with you. The fridge hadn't been that full in what seemed like ages.

'how dare you, i am your mother and you will respect me'  
'plus you not knowing my name adds to my attractive aloof and mysterious persona ill have you know mister'  
'you shall know me as swag stallion and nothing more.'

'There is no way in HELL I am calling you swag stallion.'

Youre 50% sure that this guy is a middle-aged brony crying into a fedora half way across the country. Eridan taps your shoulder before throwing your apron at your head. Time to get moving, you suppose.

'Got to go. Stop being so obsessive over my well-being. Ttyl.'

Tucking your phone into your pocket, you stand, glaring at your co-worker as you slip the apron over your head. You only look up at your new when you reach the counter, and smile ever so slightly when you realise that it's Kanaya.

"Hello, Karkat", she begins, folding her hands neatly on the counter before requesting a small tea. She talks to you as you make her drink. 

"Terezi said she convinced you to throw away the waffles."

"It didn't actually take much. I only bought them because the were cheap as hell. They taste like Satan's dick cheese."

Equius side-eyes you at your language choice.

"She also informs me that you managed to go to her grave by yourself."

Your hand tenses on the cup slightly as you hand it too her, but you nod. You visited the cemetary for the first time alone two days ago, stayed there for half an hour, placed your flowers, and left. It was brief, rushed even, and it made you feel uncomfortable, but you felt better after you left. It felt like a little bit of closure. The headstone also didn't look so bare anymore. Your mom loved sunflowers.

Kanaya looks proud of you as she steps back, and leaves to make her way to her own workplace, and in turn, you feel a little prouder of yourself.

That afternoon, you take the long route back to your apartment, and aren't surprised to see Sollux sat at his computer when you enter and lock the door behind you. The blonde grunts at you for a greeting, and you wave your hand dismissively in return. Upon reaching your room, you flop onto your bed and immediately feel your phone buzz in your pocket.

'whaddup vitamin k'  
'k dog'  
'captain k'

You regret telling him your name.

'I'm 100% sure that you're actually 12 years old.'

'thats me'  
'aint even old enough to get a tumblr account'  
'gotta wait another full year until i can join the mighty sjw cause'

'You sound like my brother. Stop, immediately.'

'im kidding you dude im just a texan man tryin to make it in this doo lally world'

'You live in Texas?'

'housten is my hometown, sugartits'

"Same."

Seems you might have more in common with your potential neckbeard friend than you initially thought.


	4. angst free since '93

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who the hell put this trash music on anyway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took me too long im sorry ive been trying to get a job lmao

Slowly but surely, that's what you told Kanaya.

Each day passes more slowly than the last, and your heart still has that dull ache that you're growing better at ignoring, but nevertheless, it's still there. Of course, it being the start of summer, you have your distractions. You spend much of your time with Kanaya, Sollux, Terezi and sometimes Rose, (who will occasionally drag Jade and Aradia around if she feels like you haven't seen enough sunlight during the week) who keep you fairly distracted. Kanaya's mother, Rosa (a woman you've admired for aeons, who clearly passed her beauty and wisdom onto her two daughters, and who basically is a second mom to you), tells you stories from your mom's youth. After all, you and Kanaya only ended up being so close because your parents were virtually inseparable throughout their adulthoods. Rosa still treats you like a child, just like she treats your father, and you seem to mind a lot less than him at the treatment. Although, not a single member of your family would let her treat you otherwise. You rarely feel at home anywhere aside from the Maryam household ever since the tragedy. And of course, there's "Swag Stallion", not that you're any richer in information since you started talking to him almost a month ago.

How on earth does time manage to fly so quickly yet so slowly at the same time?

Currently, you and your 'squad' are all around Aradia's house. It's 3 o'clock in the morning, and you're tired as fuck, but you don't plan on sleeping. Especially with pranksterfuck John Egbert eyeing every remotely dozy person in the room, Sharpy twiddled almost in anticipation in his pocket. Well, aside from Terezi, who's snoring rather loudly in the corner of the room, splayed out on the floor. No one disturbs her. Meanwhile, Kanaya and Rose are huddled rather close on the overstuffed couch, and you are sitting on the floor at your best friend's feet, a certain clowns shaggy head sitting in your lap. Rose's sister, Roxy, is elsewhere tonight. Sollux and Aradia (the pair of them are practically joint at the fucking hip) are racing head to head in Mario Kart, like all of you have been doing for the past few hours. Aradia's mom really does not mind you all loitering, or even sleeping in her house, and is mostly off doing her own thing anyway. You don't think you've seen Aradia's sister in the flesh. Jade is beside John, talking way too excitedly with him over the sound of the Wii, and the shitty indie music that someone put on in the background. It's a mangle of noises that you never want to hear in one place again, but you've all had a little to drink, so you don't mind, much.

Who the hell put this trash music on anyway?

You didn't realise that you said it out loud, but Rose supplies you with an answer anyway.

"My cousin gave me his mixtape. He's into all of this stuff, and I don't really own any CD's myself. Kanaya happened to put it on", she explains. You distractedly squint as you never realised she had a cousin. The music isn't half bad, you suppose. After ten minutes, you're distractedly bobbing your head to what you think is Two Door Cinema Club. 

After a few more races, Sollux sighs in defeat, and slaps his pale palm to his forehead.

"Sorry, Sollux, winner stays on, remember?", Aradia counters with an all too pleased smile, as the defeated blonde hands the Wii remote to you. You lose within minutes (fucking Rainbow Road- you feel a tear leave your eye) and hand the remote to Kanaya, who easily overtakes a very surprised Aradia. Being almost too distracted by the tipsy chants concerning Kanaya's recent Mario Kart victory, you barely notice the buzz in your pocket. Three attempts later at unlocking your phone, and huzzah! (*Hacker voice* You're in.) It's your favourite anonymous neckbeard friend.

'hey man'  
'wait fuck is it really half 3'  
'missed the time'  
'anyway gnight sleepyhead'

You're making a face, and tapping away instantly.

'I'm here, nerd.'

'me, a nerd?'  
'gasp, karkat, gasp'  
'my heart, it aches'

'Alright, alright, shut up.'  
'I'm at a friend's house.'

The previous buzz of messages from your stranger (since when was a stranger yours?) has caught the attention of Kanaya and a drowsy Gamzee. You bat a hand up at Kanaya, who you're pretty sure is looking over your shoulder now. Everyone else is still distracted sufficiently.

'oooh'  
'girlfriend?'

'Ha. You know I'm not that straight.'

'good point'

You're starting to think you tell this guy too much. You also suppose he just hangs onto too many details. You only really told him trivial stuff? Celebrity crushes, encounters with hot strangers, the usual. Maybe what you had for lunch, or how your day was, the odd dream. Holy fuck you're practically confiding in a complete stranger. Your tipsy brain refuses to panic with the remaining rational part of you. At you don't tell him everything you tell Kanaya. Lord, that would be embarrassing. Speaking of your best friend, you look up at her, and she sends you an expression which practically screams "who the fuck on your phone is called Swag Stallion?" You look back down to your screen, and begin typing again.

'And what on earth are you doing at this ungodly hour?'  
'Probably looking at weird horse porn and making remixes out of the noises they make.'  
'Or crying.'

'oh boy you got me pegged'  
'since when did you become a bona fide psychic'

'I fought one thousand children and won.'

'skills'  
'but nah im at my brothers house with my cousin and a few others'

'Sounds like a beautiful family gathering.'

'it would be if roxy hadnt fallen asleep hours ago'

You ignore the coincidence of your absent friend's name because you're fucking tired and you really need to sleep. You give a little look over to John to make sure he's asleep, and he's thankfully out cold on the floor. Locking your phone, you drop of to sleep like your counterparts. As you drift off, Rose, Kanaya, and Aradia are the only ones awake. The Wii is off, the music is low like their voices, Gamzee's head has made your leg numb, and your eyelids are heavy. 

You haven't felt this happy in months.

By the time you're in the realm of the living the next morning (or well, afternoon), only Kanaya, Terezi, and of course, Aradia remain. Groaning as you realise its noon, you stand, feeling groggy and waving everybody a flippant goodbye as you leave. Thank fuck, Aradia's place is only a short walk from your apartment, but you're still mad because- what the fuck? Sollux rooms with you and he couldn't even wake you to tell you he was off. Oh, you're totally putting salt in his Mountain Dew. By the time the door is closed and locked behind you, and you've thrown a few choice swearwords in Sollux's direction, you check your phone to find four new messages. Two from Swag Stallion (you need to stop calling him that), and two from Kanaya.

'Karkat, Dont Forget Tomorrow- You And I Are Due Round Rose's For Lunch.'  
'When I Say Dont Forget, I Mean Youre Coming And You Have No Excuse.'

Ah, shit. You're not getting out of this one. You text her back in confirmation and sigh, checking your other messages.

'you fell asleep didnt you how dare you'  
'goodnight sweetcheeks'

You hate him.


	5. insufferable- not quite the right word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, the stranger quirks an eyebrow at the immediate mention of your name, and you can't help but quirk an eyebrow back, because what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had sudden inspiration to write another chapter and yall seem to be liking it so thats always a good thing
> 
> im so grateful for the lovely comments some of you have been leaving me<333
> 
> thanks for 100 kudos 
> 
> you can finally see my trashy headcanons

It's not like you don't enjoy lunch at Rose's house. Except, even though you're in the privacy of her home, you still fell like both her and Kanaya are your parents in some weird way, whenever it's just the three of you. Which it is a surprising amount of the time.

Rose was a rather short woman, standing at about 5 feet 3 inches. You suppose she wasn't really that small, but her and Kanaya were practically joint at the hip, and she stood at a model-like height of 5 feet 10 inches, making Rose look minuscule. You had always admired them both for their beauty though; Rose for her kind eyes and graceful posture, and Kanaya with her unwavering elegance and her ever present charm. Whenever you were out in public with them, you got stares from all around, regardless of gender or current activity. Hell, you were even sure you saw one girl stop in the middle of the road briefly as she saw them both. You didn't blame her, if you were honest. Rose was all curves, and skin the colour of rich caramel which never faltered in tone. Her eyes were deep pools of lavender, and her thick darkened lips carried an ever present smirk that came off more as confident than cocky. Her hair was a dirty blonde, and fell perfectly around her face, bangs almost covering her dark eyebrows. And damn, eyebrow game strong. Kanaya on the other hand, was almost so pale that she glowed; fair skin contrasting her dark hair and perfectly blackened lips. Her jade green eyes stood stark against her skin, and she had cheekbones that could slice through flesh. She was slender, smaller than Rose in some ways, around 75% leg- and although people often regarded her as a prettier Countess Dracula, she was the warmest person you knew, both in terms of temperature and personality.

You, on the other hand, were just so average that it hurt. You stood at a full 5 feet and 11 inches, making you the tallest out of the trio, but certainly not out of your friendship group (Gamzee stood at a whopping 6' 4", what the fuck, Makara). Your dad's side of the family originated from Ireland, and you certainly look like him more than you looked like your mother. Luckily though, you and Kankri both took after her mud brown hair, and managed to escape the ginger which was predominant in the Vantas gene-pool. Hooray. Speaking of your hair, you recall breaking the last comb Sollux had handed you to deal with it, it was that hopeless. Whatever was sitting on top of your head was a curly unmanageable rat's nest of death, and getting a brush through it was like trying to comb flesh. Other than that, you're pretty pasty, and are often mistaken for sickly pale sometimes, rather than being blessed with Kanaya's radiance. You have dark freckles going from one ear from the other and dull blue eyes the colour of storm clouds. People called you adopted because the rest of your family had deep, dark brown eyes. Hey, you didn't get made fun of in middle school for nothing- although you were short as hell back then. Lucky for you, you're a lovely average height now!

You stand in front of your mirror, and check your watch again. 12:45. Good. You have 15 minutes until you leave which means you still have time to scrutinise your outfit. Dark, worn jeans, t-shirt, and then a chequered shirt over the top with the sleeves rolled to the elbows because it's summer and you hate yourself. You couldn't be asked to get changed a third time, realistically. Though, who can blame you. You're about to have lunch with a fashion major and her fashionably fashionable girlfriend. Heaving a sigh, you push a ready meal onto Sollux's desk fresh from the microwave (complete with a fork this time, how kind of you) before he gets too engrossed in what he's doing and forgets to eat again, and you're out the door.

The walk to Rose's is one you've grown accustomed to, and enjoy a lot. Her mom is loaded, so she lives in a beautiful area; tall houses on avenues lined with green trees, all with front yards nicer than your bedroom, not that you actually clean it that often these days unless Kanaya insists you should. Within minutes, you're knocking on Rose's door, and she answers in record time, white teeth standing out against black lips as she smiles, genuinely pleased (and probably somewhat surprised) that you showed up. She leads you to a little table in her back yard where she's set up lunch, and Kanaya is already there, standing with someone you didn't recognise.

"Ah, Karkat", she greets you, pressing a kiss to your cheek and holding your shoulder, as she turns to then smile at Rose, who smiles straight back, "glad you heeded my warnings and actually came along."

For some reason, the stranger quirks an eyebrow at the immediate mention of your name, and you can't help but quirk an eyebrow back, because what. He's obviously related to Rose. Whoever he is, he has the same rich tan of skin, and dirty blonde hair that falls well over his face. His undercut shows darker hair around his head, and he's wearing sunglasses and that ever present Lalonde smirk. However, his was different. Whilst Rose's smile seemed calmed and warming, his smile just struck up question marks in your head, like you couldn't quite read him. He smiled like you weren't supposed to. The stranger had a solid jawline and the makings of slight stubble along his chin, and is slightly taller than you, having a lead of just an inch or two. You weren't remotely surprised that he was attractive. Rose and Kanaya had really good looking family members and it was weird. Lucky them.

You think the stranger is looking at you, but you can't tell because of the stupid eyewear (yes, you're outside, but it's not that bright for July). You ignore it.

"This is my cousin, Dave", Rose explains, even though you think they look closer to siblings that cousins, "Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas. Karkat Vantas, Dave Strider." He seems more pleased to be meeting you than you are to be meeting him, even though you still aren't exactly sure what emotion he's wearing right now. He opts for bumping your fist rather than shaking your hand, which you don't object to, and you both say your hellos. His voice is sort of deeper than yours, and you catch yourself sort of wondering what his laugh sounded like, and when was the last time he even laughed. He doesn't seem big on the whole range of emotion gig that rest of humanity has going on.

Rose disappears for a brief moment after some small talk (which wasn't as awkward as you though it was going to be) and reappears with a platter of sandwiches, which she sets out on the pre-laid table. You sit beside Kanaya, and Rose sits beside her weird cousin, who sits directly opposite you. It's hard trying to work out if you should look him in the eye because you're not entirely sure if he's looking at you in the first place. Instead, you distract yourself by picking up a sandwich and digging in like the rest of the people around the table.

Conversation soon picks up, like you hoped it would (everyone at this table is a social butterfly, and you consider yourself to be the dullest of social turds right now instead), and before you know it, you feel comfortable again. It takes some time, but you find out that Dave isn't really that difficult to talk to, and whilst he comes off as a douchebag sometimes, you have quite a lot in common with him. For example, you're both dirty nerdbags who've watched Doctor Who and enjoyed it, and you liked a lot of the same video games too, which led to sort of heated discussions about which Doctor was the best, which Halo game was the most fun, and which Pokemon generation was superior. Neither of you come to conclusions on the topics, but you sort of got a laugh out of him when you called him "weeaboo trash" for watching Death Note 'ironically'.

"Oh, shut up, DC is totally better than Marvel", you insist, dropping the sandwich crust.

You're pretty sure he rolls his eyes- you can't tell, but he's grinning. "DC takes itself too seriously. Batman needs to take a step back and consider his life choices, and remember that if he keeps talking like he just ate steel wool, he's going to cause some damage", Dave counters matter-of-factly.

You make a little 'pfft' noise before continuing. "DC has cooler villains, and no one can deny that."

"Are you kidding me, man? What about Thanos?"

"He's just a bara purple dude in a floaty chair, no big deal."

He gives a sort of laugh again. "Alright, I'll give you that."

Kanaya and Rose are engrossed in some other conversation which Dave insists is probably about "bras or something", which gets Rose raising an eyebrow at him in no time whilst you and Kanaya laugh. You don't register how quickly time flies until you look at your watch and realise that its past 9pm, but you have nothing to do early morning tomorrow, so you ignore the time until it feels like everyone at the table had known each other for years.

When you find yourself making your excuses to leave, it's around quarter to eleven, and you're getting tired. Kanaya offers to drop you home, and you gladly accept the offer, yawning a little bit. As you leave, you feel kind of disappointed that you had to go home, because you had enjoyed yourself so much that afternoon. You felt like you made a new friend, and hey, you were perfectly okay with maybe seeing him again (like you said, attractive, easy to talk to). By the time you reached home, you had already added Dave on Facebook. As soon as the door is closed behind you, you yawn, and realise how awfully sociable you've been these past few days. Tomorrow is definitely a do-nothing-day. Upon reaching your room, you strip to your underwear and catapult yourself at your bed from your doorway before shuffling beneath the covers, sighing in content, falling asleep almost instantly.

You wake up at 11, fix yourself some breakfast and settle back into bed before you feel your phone vibrate beside you.

'goodmorning sunny jim'

'Never call me that again. Ever.'

'you said you didnt like it when i call you vitamin k'  
'this is the alternative'  
'it kills me inside too man dont worry'

'Have you even thought about calling me by my name?'  
'People around me tend to do that, y'know.'

'really?'  
'hm'  
'never would have thought it dude'  
'anyway howd your friends lunch thing go yesterday'  
'you didnt text me any hot goss so i assumed you had a great time'

'I refuse to let you know all of my life details anymore.'  
'And for the record, I had a great time. thank you very much.'  
'Met a friend's cousin, he wasn't terrible.'  
'Kinda nice to talk to, I guess.'  
'And obviously Kanaya was there so it made it easier.'

'easier to do what'

'I dunno. I'm not good with strangers, I get all shouty if I'm not comfortable.'  
'So, a lot.'  
'But I didn't get shouty yesterday, which is always a plus.'

'glad to hear it dude'

'Yeah?'

'yeah'  
'i reckon you made a great first impression'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: 14/8/15
> 
> [FANART](http://yahsa.deviantart.com/art/First-Impressions-551586797?ga_submit_new=10%253A1438843883) FOR THIS CHAPTER IN SCREAMING
> 
> done by the wonderful [obviouslyironman](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ObviouslyIronman) <3


	6. very nearly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your discussion about the pros and cons of Chinese communism from 1935 onwards goes just as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuckign finally am i right lads

You know how after you buy a new pair of shoes, or something, and suddenly you notice that everyone around you has the exact same pair? That was what it was like after your first of many encounters with a Mister David Strider.

You genuinely thought that there was more than one of him because he just happened to be out and about so much (considering before last Wednesday, you never saw him at all), but Rose soon informs both you and Kanaya that he just lived on the other side of town until very recently, because he was going to give college a shot. More specifically, he was going to YOUR college. You guess it kind of made sense, considering probably some of the only people he knew around here went to your college too. Seeing him around wasn't too bad, after all. 

But anyway, life goes on, you're still just about holding down your shitty job at Starbucks, you still text your stranger more than you probably should, and you spend a bit more time in your bed when you can because of all the social interaction you put yourself through this past week. That's immediately a bad thing, because Swag Stallion is right; the more time you spend alone, the harder you find it to push yourself to get up. You sleep through calls from Kanaya during the day, text your stranger at night, and only really drag yourself up to get to work, which is more than you can really be asked to do this past week. You don't commit any amazing feats, but rather do nothing at all with your spare time while the weird guy on the other end of the unknown number tries to urge you out of bed. You are sort of glad that he seems to genuinely care for you, despite not knowing you face to face, and maybe if you had more energy, you'd take his advice. You end up giving yourself too much time to think again, and you obviously forgot how much you missed your mom while you were with your friends, because now you're alone, and you cry a lot more than you remember doing before.

Sollux gives you your space, which you appreciate, and brings you hot food when he notices you forget to eat. He sits with you during meals, urging you to eat everything he gives you and nagging you to take showers on the days you don't have work. You pretend to be annoyed, but both you and he know that you'd be an absolute mess without him wearing down at you. Same goes for Kanaya. Who eventually gets sick of you holing yourself up in your room whenever you have the chance, and bursts through your bedroom door, swiftly followed by Sollux Captor (who is obnoxiously chewing the biggest piece of gum you've ever fucking seen). 

You're sitting there in your boxers and a t-shirt, your blanket huddled up around you and only allowing your head to pop out. you scowl at her for not even knocking, and shoots you a glare at you that you'd rather not challenge.

"Tonight, 6 o'clock, Aradia's house, movies, pizza and alcohol, you're going to be there and you're going to have a great time and try to at least remember what sunlight feels like", she makes a gesture to your blinds, which haven't been opening in god knows how long.

"Why?", is all you manage to croak out, as Sollux blows a bubble the size of his head, which he then pops as loudly as possible. Thanks, Sollux.

"Why?!", Kanaya raises her voice by a fraction, and you're already worried, "because it's been two weeks since you've spoken to anyone face to face who isn't ordering coffee!"

Shit, two weeks? Time does fly when you're having a shit time at home doing next to nothing. Your raise your eyebrows a little because it's like you didn't even feel too weeks past since you went to Rose's house. Sollux has rolled his eyes enough by now and you actually feel kind of shittier than usual. "You're coming", Kanaya insists, crossing her arms over her chest and looking a lot more serious than you remember her being. You agree just to get her out of your room, sigh, and then check your watch. Ten to five. You sigh again.

"Get in the thower, KK", Sollux manages to speak around his huge ass piece of gum, and then he's out too.

You throw the blanket off of yourself and make your way to the bathroom, and clean yourself sufficiently, and once you step out, you mentally thanked Sollux for urging you to washing because fucking hell, you needed it. You pull on clean underwear, a pair of jeans, and a t-shirt, then some big ass hoodie that made you feel like a big grey marshmallow. You loved it. Both you and Sollux are out by half five, and get there a little earlier than six, just as Aradia is ordering the pizza. Sollux greets her with a kiss on the cheek. You have to admit, they make a very cute couple. Sollux was the typical nerd type, all tall and lanky and boney, an unkempt mop of blonde hair on his head, and an abnormally toothy grin. He had a huge lisp, which makes it often sound like he's hissing at you. He probably is, to be honest. Aradia on the other hand was a few inches shorter than you, and was quite petite. She had long raven black hair that fell to her hips and kind features. She was smart as hell too, and knew both English and Japanese fluently due to her mother's side of the family, and had a vast knowledge in archaeology, which she studied. Her older sister, Damara, almost refused to speak English (even though she was fully capable) unless she had to, just to piss people off, from what you heard. 

You enter the living room whilst she stays in the kitchen with Sollux, and are not surprised to see Kanaya and Rose already there (early as usual); you are, however, surprised to see Dave Strider sitting there too. The only space left on the couch is right beside him, so you take your chances and sit there. As you do, he shoots you a smile, and you smile right back at him. Kanaya, who sits to your right, throws an arm around your shoulder and kisses your cheek, obviously very pleased that you came along again. Honestly? You don't actually regret being here in the first place, which is always a plus point. As soon at ten past six hits, the others have arrived. First through the door is John and Jade, followed by Nepeta and Terezi, and then (at seven, Jesus) Gamzee arrives with a lot of alcohol and a smile on his face that says he's already been 'testing the waters'. The pizza arrives at around the same time as Gamzee, and holy shit there's loads of them. After all, there is ten of you here, and Gamzee is one of that ten, so Aradia ordered eight large pizzas. You're not complaining at all.

By around nine, you've all finished screaming arguments out about the ending of Inception, which you'd just finished, and have obviously all started drinking. You're laying on the floor, and you and Jade clink bottles together before doing this weird clapping thing like you're seven years old once again. You laugh a lot because there's alcohol in your system, and you're shit at this. Eventually, Jade slaps your hands and you're both laughing. John joins in, which only messes up things further. John Egbert is clumsy as it is, but drunk John is a whole different story. All three of you end up laughing way too hard, and then Dave joins in too. He knows John and Jade remarkably well, and you soon find out that they all, including Rose, went to highschool together, and John and Jade tell you some really embarrassing stories about Dave from way back when (including once about a snake a burnt underwear), which you laugh even harder at. You swear he goes a little red. 

Once John and Jade get up to go stuff their faces again, you're left sitting with Dave, who you end up getting into more nerdy debates with, which aren't nearly as coherent as they were two weeks ago because apparently neither of you handle alcohol well. Your discussion about the pros and cons of Chinese communism from 1935 onwards goes just as well. By around an hour of just talking, and you're both laughing at all the ridiculous Spider-man memes you've seen (they're apprently much funnier when you can't see straight) and have decided to sit outside on the grass in Aradia's back garden. The grass is cool between your fingers as you lean back, copying Dave's position as he sits. He doesn't seem to notice how close together your hands are, so you ignore it too. You distractedly hoped that your butt wouldn't get soggy on the ground.

Dave ends up telling you that it's absolutely necessary that you go to his house sometime just so he can prove that Marvel is better than DC, but you only agree to when you insist that he goes round yours so you can prove the exact opposite. He's also promised to drag you a long to the Deadpool movie being released early, next February (which you've been looking forward to seeing anyway) and are surprised that he considers you someone that he'll know well this time next year, too. Eventually, both of your laughter dies down and you sit in perfectly comfortable silence. It lasts about two minutes before Dave is turning his head to look at you, and you look back at him, and he has one of the most genuine smiles you've seen him wear as of yet. It's small, but it's enough to make you notice, and it looks relaxed, which you're glad for. You catch your eyes drifting down to his lips, and you think he notices because his face turns that slight shade of red again, and you congratulate yourself. Both of you clearly are not thinking straight, because holy shit you don't know Dave all that well. You suddenly realise than he's a lot better looking in this light. Not like pretty-boy-model attractive, but just hot enough so if you bumped into him down the street, you'd totally text your best friend. You think he started looking at your lips too, because he's starting to close the gap between you, and you're a little too buzzed to realise that you've started to lean in too. It feels like you're in the middle of one of your movies, and your heart is practically screaming in your chest, yknow, if internal organs could scream. Like he's DiCaprio and you're Winslet. Or he's Winslet and you're DiCaprio, who cares. You're so close, and your cheeks are burning, and you can smell the apple cider on his breath as your eyes begin to close and-

The glass door slides open and a tipsy Aradia pops her head out. "Karkat, get your ass in here, we're putting Just Dance on!"

Her voice makes you both jump apart and you look at Dave briefly and smile again before standing, going in, and then facing Sollux at Katy Perry's Hot n' Cold. 

You win by a landslide.


	7. completely oblivious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remembering that you're fucking late as shit, you stand, excusing yourself quietly as to not wake the others sleeping around you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we fucking r again lads
> 
> do these nerds actually know how much they hurt me
> 
> by the way my tumblr is jetfuelcmsb.tumblr.com if youre interested!! shoot me a hello. or dont. whatever lmao

You arms are starting to hurt around an hour later, and you've managed to beat every single person in the room. They all clap for you at the end, and then you collapse onto the floor by the couch beside Dave.

He tells you that you did good "for someone with two left feet" (he then calls you a nerd), and you mumble something obnoxious back about how you always do good, and that he sucked, and then you lean forward to grab another bottle of cider for you both. You both clink them together before drinking, the room falling almost silent as Aradia puts another movie. It's a little past midnight, and the night is far from over, and once again, you're happy that time is moving so much slower. You don't even recall the movie ending, but you see the credits. Rose and Kanaya were cuddled up to each other on the couch above you, talking quietly. You would've interrupted because you heard your name once or twice, you think, but fuck it. You're too drunk to care. Before you know it, Sollux is setting up his old Xbox Classic (which you don't remember him bringing), and you practically gag as you hear the old Sonic Riders intro. You've played this game game too many times for your own good, and your room-mate loves it way too much. Still, he has four controllers, and you're not about to pass up the opportunity to lose at Sonic game any time soon. You see Terezi pick up a controller and narrow your eyes.

"Terezi, what the fuck, you're blind?", it was more of question than a statement, because sometimes you really weren't sure, and if it weren't for her ghostly pale blue eyes that practically penetrated through your fucking soul whenever she looked at you, you could've sworn she could see everything around her. The tuts at you, tossing her dyed red hair swiftly behind her, grinning so you could see all eight million of her teeth before straightening her back.

"Shame on you, Karkat! I can't see but I can sure as hell beat your ass at this sucky game", she cackles, and you're not sure if she's joking, and so just look back to the screen. To your left, Sollux picks up a controller too, and the last is picked up by Dave, who sits on the other side of Terezi. You wonder what would've happened if Aradia interrupted you two outside. Would anything even happen between you and him after tonight, if you did kiss? You think he was the sort of guy who'd have girls and guys alike on tap if he wanted anyone to date, you think. And either way, he was a good friend, and you don't think that really wanted to think of him any other way. At least for the moment. You were all over the place emotionally speaking, and you didn't want to put that baggage on any one else just yet. Kanaya and Sollux were outliers, and so was your stranger, you supposed, because it felt like they wanted to take on your baggage, because it was their baggage too somehow. You couldn't be more grateful, and you didn't even know how to start thanking Kanaya and Sollux, let alone fuckin' Swag Stallion. You were eternally in their debt.

The game starts, pulling you out of your thoughts, because suddenly you're Knuckles the Echidna on a fucking mission, and you have to ride this hover-board through the lost gardens of Babylon to stop Eggman for using the chaos emeralds or some shit, whatever. You come like 3rd, beating Dave (ha!), but Terezi comes 1st (Sollux a close 2nd), and everyone looks at her because what the fuck she literally does not possess the ability to see. She was right, though. She did beat your ass at this sucky game.

Before long, you're bored again, settled back in the space you were sitting when you stopped playing Just Dance, where Dave settles beside you again, and you pick up a room temperature slice of pizza and tuck in.

The next thing you know, light is pouring through the windows into the living room, where everyone is finally asleep. There's a cold pizza crust in your lap, and your head thumps a little, and you immediately think back to the previous night, to your games of Just Dance, your shitty movies and your almost-kiss. You feel yourself smiling, even though you're hungover as fuck and everything is the tiniest bit blurry. You feel a weight around your shoulders and are slow to realise that it's an arm, the owner of which, being David Strider, is sleeping rather soundly beside you, shades rested beside him on the floor rather than on top of his nose. His eyelashes are the same dark as his eyebrows, and there are faded freckles along his cheeks that you didn't notice even at last night's proximity. You don't move away from him.

Your eyes flit to your watch at holy fucking shit you're going to be later for your shift- and Equius is going to KILL you. You jolt at the sight of the time, waking Dave from his slumber. He opens his eyes and you look back at him- and fuck, you take back everything you said about him not being model attractive because without those fucking ridiculous things covering half of his god damn face, you couldn't see how lovely he looked without them. He had kind eyes, like Rose, framed by dark lashes that only made the red of his irises stand out even more. He takes one look at you in all of his strangely attractive grogginess, before throwing his hand down to his shades, removing his arm from around you, and slipping the sunglasses up his nose, mumbling something about it being bright. You catch yourself sort of wanting him to slip his arm around you again, but shake your head of the thought, before offering a shy smile which he returns almost nervously. Remembering that you're fucking late as shit, you stand, excusing yourself quietly as to not wake the others sleeping around you. 

You don't have time to go home and get changed, so you just walk to work instead, shooting a text to Sollux explaining that you had to leave early for work, and ignore the buzz which you think is his reply until it's your break. You nurse a cup of coffee in your hand, and you pull your phone from your pocket to read your new messages. It was Swag Stallion. You haven't heard from him in like, two days.

'good morning starshine'  
'the earth says hello'

'Did you really just make a 2005 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory reference? I hate you even more.'

'im surprised you could tell'  
'i guess your taste in movies isnt all that bad'

'That movie WAS bad!'  
'Knowing you, you probably have it on DVD.'

'i do actually'

'You must regret so much.'

'you dont even know the half of it man'  
'anyway how are you'

'Pretty good. I went hung out with a bunch of friends, got drunk, played Just Dance and won, and..'

'and'

'I was out in the garden with this guy, Rose's cousin, and we almost kissed?'  
'I mean, we sort of got interrupted and didn't actually get to the lip touching bit.'  
'Which is kind of a shame, because he's really fucking attractive, but I barely know him?'  
'Which is also a shame, because I'd like to.'

'would you ask him out'  
'or like say yes if he asked you'

'I think so. But I don't think he knows about my mom, and I really don't want to dump that on him.'  
'I mean, I dumped it on you, even if it was a mistake, and I still feel bad.'  
'With all of my mood swings and lethargy, I'd be lucky if anyone stuck around.'

'okay one- what the fuck'  
'two- what the fuck'  
'i help because i want to not because you accidentally dropped your emotional baggage and now im morally obliged to help'  
'but because i know what youre going through'  
'because i lost my older brother and i know exactly what its like'

'Fuck. I'm sorry. I didn't know.'

'dont apologise it aint your fault'  
'everyones got things going on karkat'  
'if you dont feel ready, dont go for it'  
'but if you do dont hold yourself back because you think you should'

'I guess you're right.'

'im always right'

He was right. You hated it when he was. You swiftly change the topic.

'Why won't you tell me your name?'

'why do you need to know it'

'Seems like a fair trade, considering that you know my first AND last name?'

'ill give you my middle name'  
'will that shut you up for like a day'

'Yes.'

'fuck'  
'my middle name is elizabeth'

'Great, I'm calling you that from now on.'

'i regret so much'

You slip your phone into your pocket and grin a little at your new found information, before standing and getting back to work. As soon as your shift is over, at around 3pm, you go home to find Sollux asleep on the couch. The poor asshole didn't even make it to his bed beside his passed out again. You, on the other hand, really need a fucking shower, so you head to the bathroom and strip before stepping under the water. Your muscles feel like they untangle as the water hits your arms and back. You sigh in relief, staying in the steamed cubicle until your skin has turned a little pink, and your hair sticks to your face and neck. When you dry yourself, you pull on clean underwear, a fresh pair of jeans and a t-shirt before taking painkillers for the hangover. Then, once again, you were out the door. Even though you just wanted to sit down and fall into a 3 day coma, you kept on your feet. You weren't having a repetition of the last two weeks of your life again. 

It's a short walk to the cemetery from the flower shop, and you have no trouble finding your mother's grave, as the day of her burial sticks well in your mind. You have to stop and take a deep breath as you first see the headstone, to build up courage to talk to someone who couldn't talk to back at all. You felt ridiculous. (No change there then.)

You sit before the headstone and lay down the sunflowers, picking up the wilting ones you left on your last visit and laying them in your lap. You didn't believe the dead could hear you when you spoke near their graves, and you found it stupid in movies when people tried. It was a nice thought though, talking to your mom again. You smile fondly as you fingers fiddle idly with the ever-present chain around your wrist. The bracelet was like your version of a comfort blanket but not as stupid, and no where near as fluffy. Instead, you close your eyes, and just think of her. Remembering the way she used to scold you when you got mud on your trousers after playing with Sollux in the yard, how she and Rosa made you, Kanaya and Aradia little cupcakes on weekends. The way she smelled when she picked you up when you were a kid. The smile she gave you when collecting you from school. The colour of her hair. The more you thought, the more genuine the smile on your face became. When you opened your eyes at last, the usual pang of sadness you felt when remembering her death was a little duller.

Who knows, maybe you were getting somewhere.


	8. one step closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your old brother passed away two and a half years ago, when you had just turned eighteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little bit of daves pov!!! and cuteness ye
> 
> thanks again for the lovely comments

Your name is Dave Strider; and you have no fucking clue what you're going to do about Karkat Vantas.

C'mon! It's not like you ever thought you were going to meet him. The inside jokes you shared with him, the way he trusted you and confided in you so whole-heartedly (when he texted you, that is), it was amazing, and you thought someone had slipped something in your drink when Rose introduced him to you. You started think that maybe, yeah, it can't be the same Karkat, because the world isn't that small; but how many Karkat Vantas' can live in one city? One, you supposed. And you were so glad it was him. God, you so badly wanted to tell him that it was you on the other end of the messages. But you almost couldn't bring yourself to. You knew you'd have to at some point, just not yet. Not right now. Texting him after talking to him face-to-face was like seeing a bit of him that no one else got to see aside from you. You felt special because he relied on you, and you really wanted to make him happy again. Hell, the first time you got a laugh out of him, your heart swelled in your chest, and you realised that you never wanted to see him without a smile on his face ever again. He'd told his darkest thoughts, the way he felt about everything and everyone; about how he didn't want Kanaya and Sollux to pity him, about how he hates the way John frowns a little when he thinks he isn't looking, about how he's too terrified to wear his heart on his sleeve like he really wants to because he's so afraid of burdening everyone with his pain. God, you just wanted to scoop him up and kiss him and tell him that he was going to be okay.

You were, after all.

Your old brother passed away two and a half years ago, when you had just turned eighteen. Horrific car crash, so bad that the funeral couldn't be open-casket. For once in your life, you and your twin, Dirk, cried your hearts out. You'd never experience pain like that, because you always looked up to him so much. People often thought he was cold, calculating, abrasive and neglectful even, but he wasn't. He taught you to ride a bike, how to wield a sword and how to make music. He took you and Dirk on holidays and road-trips around the country, sometimes even in Europe, and was there on your first day at school, and at your graduation. He sculpted the way you saw the world, and a little piece of you died when he was buried; he meant that much to you. He wasn't just a carer after the departure of your biological parents, but he was one of your best friends too; so who cares if not many people understood him? You understood. Dirk did too. That was all that mattered. 

You brother's death hurt, and it took what felt like aeons for you and Dirk to feel okay afterwards, but you did it. You knew exactly what Karkat was going through, and the more his spoke to you, the more you empathised. Even though he looked at you like he barely knew you sometimes, you knew him like the back of your hand. And you liked knowing him.

Meeting him and finding out that he was a good friend of Rose's only made things better. You could finally start to be there for him in the way you sort of knew you wanted to this whole time, even if it would take a while for Karkat to become comfortable around a 'new' person. Lucky for you, you know how to deadpan, so acting like you barely knew who he was became relatively easy very quickly.But you didn't expect to start feeling like this. Last night at Aradia's get-together (she's a lovely girl, and you had a great conversation about archaeology with her using your own knowledge of it, and were delighted to find out she was in her second year of the course you were starting in September) you had almost kissed him, and that was when you realise you were in too deep. Remembering the way he looked at you that night made your heart thud a little against your ribcage, and the time, you were so sure that he could hear your heartbeat considering how close you got.

You couldn't help but want to be closer.

But you didn't want to scare him off either. I mean, of course, you felt great as he told you that he thought you were attractive (because holy shit, you thought he was really attractive too), and that he said he'd date you if you asked (which you are considering very seriously) but you didn't want him to feel like he was burdening you. You wanted him to know that all of his friends loved him so much, including you, and you all just wanted him to feel that too. 

You end up seeing Karkat (with other people of course around) at odd intervals throughout the week. At dinner with Terezi, game night with Sollux, and John, spending a day at Kanaya's house and having lunch with her family (you and Kan get on exceptionally well, and Aradia was there too) and you get along with Karkat well as usual too, and you often end up sitting together when in groups. You don't mind at all. He begins to stop looking at you like a total stranger, and the smiles and gestures he'd usually hide when he first met you become all the more noticeable. 

Around nine days after your almost-kiss with the man in question, you enter the branch of Starbucks where he works, and you see his shop-front smile become a bit wider as he catches your eye. When you reach the till, you rest your elbows on the counter-top, and fold your arms, humming in deep thought (rather dramatically- Karkat rolls his eyes). After ordering your hot chocolate (you hate coffee), and taking the white paper cup in hand, you pause lip between your teeth. He raises an eyebrow at you. 

"Are you busy this Saturday?", you ask, knowing that he isn't because he doesn't work Saturdays, and only has an afternoon shift on Sundays over the weekend. God, you remembered too much of what he texted you. Yes, you were trying to ask him out. No, it wasn't going too well. Your heart was practically beating in your fucking throat. Lucky for your sorry ass, you look completely dead-panned on the outside. Karkat widens his eyes almost unnoticeably, and you can see that he wants to smile but isn't sure that he should (like that one time he tried not to laugh when John tripped over and fell into this random lady's cleavage), and then your mind starts racing, because oh my god what if he's not comfortable with being with you just one on one yet? After all, you know him better than he knows you, and you don't want to overwhelm him. You quickly add, "because Kanaya and Rose are coming over for Chinese food and stuff. I wanted you there too."

He grins at your last sentence, and then he nods happily. "I'll be there", he confirms, as you return the smile. You nod, and then leave, your stomach still doing cheerleading routines as your heart races.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rose gives you the address for Dave's place on Saturday morning, and he naturally doesn't live that far from Rose, so you walk there, even through the rain. You turn up at around 7 o'clock, knocking on the door with the collar of your jacket pulled up to your ears. Dave laughs a little at your grumpy little face as you step in. He makes a comment about you looking like a drowned rat before taking your coat to put on the heater, and fetching a towel for your hair. You take it gladly, and he leads you into the living room where Rose and Kanaya sit. As per usual, they greet you with smiles and hugs, and you sit down to find out that Dave already put on Thomas and Friends for you all to watch, and you want to hit him. He returns from his kitchen with a few boxes of take-out Chinese food, which he sets on the coffee table. You all dig in immediately.

A few hours later, when you're all watching Judge Judy re-runs (Dave keeps shouting out the word 'objection' and you have punched him in the arm twice- this only spurs him on) you see Rose and Kanaya whispering to each other out of the corner of your eye before Kanaya stands. She has an almost smirk on her face.

"Terribly sorry, Dave", she begins, "I have work tomorrow morning, so I must excuse myself." Oh god, she's planning something, you can tell.

"Well, in that case, I better drop you home", Rose insists, the same terribly deviant smile on her face. Dave nods understandingly, telling them not to worry about it as they head for his front door, and out of the building. Those wiley mistresses- they wanted you to be alone with Dave. Then again, didn't you want to be alone with him too? Shut up, not thinking that, no. Dave seems fine with it, so why shouldn't you be, right? You take a deep breath, sink further into the couch, and Dave turns briefly to send you a reassuring smile.

Within the hour, Dave's put on X-Men: First Class (which is actually a good movie, and James McAvoy, what a cutie) and you're sitting across the room from each other trying to throw skittles into each others mouths. You're both laughing hysterically before you hit Dave in the tooth by accident, and he's sprawled out on the carpet, feigning death as you crawl over and pap his face, because why oh why did he die so fucking young. Before you know it, his head is in your lap and you're casually carding through his hair as you try not to cry at the fact that Magneto paralysed Professor X. Too fucking late, your brOtp is fucking dead, along with the feeling in Charles Xavier's legs, and your eyes are watering before you can say "why the fuck is this movie so sad?"

"Holy shit, man", Dave's sitting up now, "are you crying?"

"No, I'm sweating from my fucking eyes- I can't believe Magneto paralysed him! I thought they were going to be friends in the end, that's not fair", you sound like a whiny child, but you don't care because you get way too emotional over sad movies. Dave isn't making fun of you, he just looks a little confused more than anything.

"Dude, wait until you see Days of Future Past."

So, you watch Days of Future Past, this time with your head in Dave's lap, and you're considerably happier that Jean Gray is alive at the end (spoilers!) although Dave only complains that her appearance defeats the object of her story arc in the previous X-Men movies. You put your hand over his face to shut him up, and he licks your palm, fucking hell. After that, you watch The Dark Knight Rises, because Dave promised you that he'd watch a DC movie afterwards. Even though it's the last of the trilogy, it's your favourite, and during the plane scene you cup your hands over your mouth and speak all of Bane's parts out loud, which Dave laughs at. He says your Bane impression is shitty, but fuck him, because it's great.

Afterwards, at around 2 am, Dave slots the a Pokemon movie in (The Rise of Darkrai, the favourite of both of you) you're both laughing at Brock as soon as he comes on screen.

You don't remember falling asleep against Dave, but when you wake up, he isn't there. Instead, you're on the couch rather than the floor, and there are pillows beneath your head and a blanket tucked around you, and you curl your toes. He must have put you here, and tucked you in. Dave enters from the kitchen, a plate in each hand, which he sets down on the coffee table before smiling at you. He's in a different t-shirt and sweatpants, his hair slightly messier than last night. The blinds are all drawn, and his shades are off, and you don't think you've felt more attracted to him. You wonder where he slept. Looking over, you see pancakes on both plates, and he sits next to your feet on the couch, which you soon rest on his lap, and he flicks through television channels before settling on cartoons and digging into his breakfast. You pick up your own plate, and do that same.

"Thanks", you say, not sure if you're referencing to the fact that he tucked you in or the breakfast, or both, but he nods like he understands anyway, and you sit in a comfortable silence for a while, eating your pancakes.

"Need me to walk you home later?", the blonde asks you, and you like how he says 'later' because you don't want to go yet. 

"Yeah, alright", you respond, checking your watch. It's only eleven, but you you don't really want to go to work later in the afternoon if it meant spending less time here. You look back from Dave to the television screen, before he swings his legs into the couch and lays down head to toe with you, the blanket between you. You then hear the faint jangling of keys and the front door open, and then a head pops into the living room. 

He looks almost exactly like Dave, except he has more ridiculous shades on (yknow the ones that guy has from Gurren Lagann?) and swept back hair, and slightly sharper features. You think it must take ages to style a 'do like that. He looks at you before pointing at you and looking at Dave instead.

"This is Karkat, I presume?", he presumes correctly, and Dave nods. The Dave lookalike grins and then snorts, then walking over to you. 

"I'm Dirk, Dave's brother. He'll say we're twins but I popped out two minutes before him so I win", he shakes your hand and your eyebrows furrow slightly because he's wearing the same smile that Rose wore the night before. Good god, they're all so alike.

He walks out the door just after making the "ok" sign at Dave and wiggling his eyebrows above his stupid glasses.

"Ignore him", says Dave, looking more disgruntled than confused like you were. He was easier to read without the shades on. You liked it like that.

"Gladly. It's every family member of yours this weird?"

"Oh, yeah, we're all like this", he grins.

"Oh no."

"You love it."

You did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: 30/07/15
> 
> my gosh im almost at 200 kudos? thank you all for the amazing feedback!!! im glad you enjoy reading this fic as much as i like writing it
> 
> its been around a month since i started and its been great fun thinkign about these dorks, i can only hope that this fic ends well too lmao
> 
> also if you sort all of the davekat fics by kudos, Of Telephones and Text Messages is on page ten so oh my fuck?????? thank you so much??? i know ive said it a lot but this is my first proper fic, and im so glad that there are a few of you who really like it
> 
> chapter nine should be coming tomorrow or the day after :~)


	9. the first of many

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn't fair at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 212 kudos fuckin hell. this chapter is probs gonna be shorter than the previous ones because im really tired and sick and udeufyvguefhbvuehfvbiue im not in a good place idk but we're getting close to an ending
> 
> update 3/8/15:
> 
> feedback for this chapter has been insane, especially because i left it on such a cliffhanger 
> 
> and i feel really bad now bc i wont be able to update for a while because i feel like shit. i rlly want to update but every time i start writing chapter 10 its really shitty and im not especially stable rn so bare with me  
> (haha i cant wait for deaths sweet embrace to tear me from this realm)

After you've both finished breakfast, Dave takes your plates into the kitchen, and when he returns you've stretched and sat up, so he sits next to you and pulls the blanket over himself too. Your knees are pulled up to your chest, and you can feel the warmth radiating off of him beside you as your hands brush against each other beneath the blanket. He doesn't seem to notice, his eyes focused on the screen on the other end of the room; Adventure Time's theme tune in the background of your thoughts. You only realise that you'd been staring at him for a minute or so when he looks back at you and furrows his brows. Okay, man down, your cheeks are on fire and because you're a _moron_ , and you hide your face in his fucking shoulder as you panic. It's more of a headbutt, in fact, but at least it hides your face. He responds by laughing, and throwing his arm around you again and you hate him so much because he's so composed all the time, and you're a _mess_ in front of him.

Eventually, your cheeks stop burning the ungodly shade of crimson that so unfortunately graced your pale ass face, and you settle against him, and the silence between you is just so comfortable that you end up dozing off against him at random intervals during the episode of whatever the hell was on. When you wake up again properly, it's around one in the afternoon, and Dave suddenly has a great idea.

"Have you ever played Yu-Gi-Oh?", sweet holy _fuck_ , he's such a nerd (an irresistible nerd). He's being genuine, because suddenly he's up, and rummaging through one of the draws beneath the DVD player.

"Obviously", you begin, "what sort of man would I be if I hadn't?"

Of course you've played Yu-Gi-Oh, god damn it. It's just been a while since you have. The original TV series still makes you laugh because literally everyone has ridiculous hairstyles, and Yugi is totally a twink. You're actually considering watching the entire first series again just for the bad voice acting and Seto Kaiba taking things way to seriously. Before you know it, Dave is standing across the room, his feet about a metre apart on the carpet, and hand raised dramatically in the air, holding a deck that's way too thick for anyone's wellbeing.

"It's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"

"If you say that again, I'm not fucking playing."

You play four games, and lose four games. You're not even surprised.

By 4 o' clock, you're practically willing yourself to leave, because even though you could easily convince yourself into staying another night (and another, and another) you have work tomorrow, and you really just need to get home before Sollux clocks where you are and starts taking the piss out of you. You stand, pulling on your jacket (which is now all dry) and then your shoes, and look over to see Dave doing the same. You guess he was serious about walking you home, not that you're complaining. Within the minute, you're out the door, Dave's arm linked through yours for what he insists are purely 'ironic purposes'. When you tell him you feel like an eight year old linking arms with someone, he shooshes you like a child, and squeezes your arm closer. The whole way there you discuss movies and books and why communism is only good in theory and not in execution, and he tells you stupid jokes that you laugh at anyway, and you talk about making plans with each other next week and he tells you his favourite colour. It's only a fifteen minute walk from his house to your place, so he never unlinks his arm from yours until you reach the door of your apartment.

You face each other in silence for a moment, your hands stuffed awkwardly in you pockets.

"Thanks for walking me back", you smile, and he smiles back.

You step away and turn to face your door and unlock it, but then you feel Dave's hand on your lower arm, and when you face him again, he's closer than he was. Your eyebrows are furrowed in confusion, and he almost looks a little shocked himself, but he moves towards you more and presses you his lips to yours like he's been given a countdown to do so. It's quick but not forced, and he's far gentler than you probably would've been with each other had you actually kissed him when you'd both been drinking. His lips are soft and you obviously kiss him back, rolling your inexperienced lips against his, trying to reach up and cup his cheeks, but it's far too brief. He'd pulled away seconds after leaning in, and you're standing there, more confused than before he kissed you. Before you can even say anything, he's off with a nervous smile and a quick wave, and you can't even find it in you to call after him. Your face practically the colour of his eyes and as soon as he's out of sight you feel yourself grinning so much that your face hurts.

As soon as you actually get around to unlocking the door and opening it, Sollux is standing there with his arms folding over his chest, grinning almost as much as you are (were).

"What are you smiling 'bout, asshole?", you quirk an eyebrow, the heat of your cheeks dying down.

"The door hath a peephole, KK."

Oh _shit_.

You close the door behind you and lean against it, slapping your hands over your face. This isn't fair at all. Sollux is laughing hysterically, then sauntering off back to his laptop in the living room. You'd ask him not to tell anyone about what he saw, but you know he tells Aradia everything so there's no fucking point. You groan loudly and head to your room.

'Elizabeth.'  
'I swear to everything that is holy and good in the world, you better fucking reply right now.'  
'I'll find you.'

'dude relax your rumble spheres im here'

'The fuck is a rumble sphere?'  
'Nevermind that.'  
'Rose's cousin kissed me.'

'congrats man, get in there'  
'is he like the moon to your stars'  
'the juliet to your romeo'  
'the butter to your bread'

'Ew, stop.'

'that wasnt a no'

'Shut up.'  
'I'm still freaking out because Sollux saw it all through the peephole, so Kanaya is probably going to find out and tease me about shit.'  
'I'm still freaking out in general to be honest.'  
'It was a really nice kiss.'

'youre totally gay for him arent you'

'Oh, shut up.'

'ill take that as a yes'

'I just think I really like him.'  
'And I don't want to fuck it up.'

'you really wont, trust me'  
'he wouldnt kiss you if he didnt feel the same way'

Once again, he's right. You spend the rest of the day lazing around the apartment. You take a good long shower, eat a bunch of dry cereal and a pizza that you find at the back of the freezer. You nap, and mostly avoid Sollux pretty well for the most part, and counter his grins with glares when you do have to cross his path. Fucking asshole. You're dreading that oddly intimidating "I know something you don't want me to know" smirk that Rose is probably going to be wearing next time you see her. And the way Gamzee will pet your head and say that he's happy for you and Dave or some shit. You and Dave aren't a thing! You don't even have Dave's number. You should probably get that.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hoooooly shit. Holy shit. 

Did you just do that? Did you really kiss Karkat Vantas? On the mouth? _With_ your mouth? Fuck yeah you did. And he _liked_ it, according to the texts that he just sent you. You don't even know how you built up the balls to do that. But you did, and that's all that mattered. You are totally doing that again. For longer, if he wants. You're sitting in your living room again, having just finished texting him, grinning like a madman, and suddenly, you feel.. bad? He's placed so much trust in you concerning both his state of mind regarding the death of his mother and his feelings towards you, that you can't help but feel like you've deceived him. You knew all this time that he's the one texting you, yet he's still so adorably oblivious that you're texting him. You didn't want to lie him, because you know he won't exactly be happy about it when he finds out that it is you on the other end of the messages.

'dude'  
'we need to talk'

'Okay, what about?'

'no'  
'i mean face to face'


	10. you love him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looks so worried about you, but you didn't want to make him fret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gosh theres probably a lot of typos in this. im really sorry if this is shitty. sigh
> 
> karkats pov, then daves will come in chap11
> 
> angst angst anssgyeyghss

It's not long before you return to Dave's house without the company of Rose or Kanaya. A few days prior, you'd received a call from him on Rose's phone (explaining that his phone was in repairs or some shit) where he basically told you that you could go round his house without warning if you needed to be anywhere but where you were. Which was a lot, nowadays. You spent time at Dave's because it stopped you from holing yourself up in your room, and you didn't want a repeat of what happened the last time you did that. 

It was a late Wednesday afternoon, and you needed to fill the hours between now and the time you usually will yourself to sleep. You're clearing out boxes of stuff from under your bed that you'd shoved there last year. There's a few folders overflowing with now irrelevant high-school work that you amuse yourself with for a while. Old essays you'd written in history, or language analysis in English. Looking back on your old work always made you feel better about the college work that you weren't proud of. Hey, if people thought your high-school shit was good back then, and you've definitely improved since school, you must be doing kind of well, right? Right. Three folders, four stacks of paper, and one and a half trash bags later, you come across something near the head of your bed which you certainly haven't seen in some time. You go from your kneeling position on the floor to sitting, folding one pyjama-clad leg over another, and blow dust off of the cover of the book like in the old movies. So, it's a photo album. More specifically, judging by the curly, almost illegible writing beneath each picture, it's your mother's photo album. How it ended up beneath your bed in the buttcrack of nowhere, you have no clue. It's mere minutes before you feel warm tears rolling down your cheeks, onto the pages. Her writing is so familiar, so her, and it hurts just trying to decipher the messy scrawl. There are pictures from your camping holidays back home, your road-trip around the state, your high-school graduation; you wish she was here now. She would've been so proud to see you just finish your first year of college. Soon enough, small sobs are racking your frame and you can't bear to turn another fucking page, so you stand, hook the book under your arm, and head out of your room. You pull on a jacket over your pyjamas, and pull on your shoes, and just walk out. The hand gripping the album is positively searing with heat, and you feel nauseous and heavy, but you keep walking. Dave's house isn't far, and it's closer than Kanaya's, and you just needed to see someone.

You're practically trying to beat down the door with your fists, and you must have looked terrible as Dave opened the door, all messy hair and shitty crab pyjamas, tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes. But he pulls you into a tight hug anyway, shooshes you and pats your back, leading you to his living room before leaving briefly to get you a glass of water and a blanket. You set the album on the coffee table. He doesn't force you to speak, but rather waits until you can, pushing his shades to his head and running fingertips down your spine over your shirt as he sits beside you. He looks so worried about you, but you didn't want to make him fret. He makes a gesture to the album, hand hovering above it, and you nod. As he opens it, he immediately understands why you feel so distraught.

"I guess this was like a really impromptu and shitty walk down memory lane, huh?", the blonde asks, leaving the book open on his lap as his eyes skimmed the pages. You sniffed, and nodded again.

"Why don't you tell me some of the stories behind these, then?", he suggests. It doesn't seem like a bad idea, you suppose. So you do. You tell him that picture of age 10 Kankri crying (7/12/02) was taken when you, age 6, threw your ice cream cone at his head because he kept on complaining about how hot it was when you first visited family in Texas. You show him pictures of you, Sollux, Nepeta, Kanaya, Aradia and Terezi on the first and last day of high-school, and the picture your mom snapped of Sollux when he got that shitty haircut and told Aradia he was in a band to try and impress her. Dave asks you to tell him the tale behind the photograph of you and Sollux standing back to back (5/03/06) age 10. You laugh as you tell him that it was the day you'd both decided to join biker gangs when you were old enough, and you point out the tiny faded temporary tattoos you both have on your arms that you'd taken from gum wrappers so long ago. Within the hour you're both laughing at the pictures your mom managed to catch of you and Kanaya trying (and failing) to bake as well as Rosa, and the photo of the bruise you got on your head (age 7) when you ran into a door handle when you tried to prove that you were The Hulk.

You can officially look at the rest of album without feeling like you're rotting inside.

"You think you can go see you mom?", he asks. There's a tiny smile on your face as you tell him that yes, yes you can.

On the way, you hit up the same flower shop you did the last times you went, and Dave buys the flowers because you haven't got a pocket for your wallet on your pyjamas. When you reach her headstone, you think less about the funeral, and more about the things you did with her when she was alive. You lay down the flowers, and stand back up beside Dave, and soon enough, you feel his fingertips brush your palm before your digits intertwine with his, and he squeezes your hand close. You're beyond grateful for the contact.

You feel significantly less shitty by the time the sun sets, and Dave walks you home. Neither of you talk about the kiss, and you're not exactly why, although thinking about talking to him about it makes you nervous as fuck. 

"Thank you", you say to him as he hugs you close to him. You don't think you could be any nearer.

"Shut up, you're always welcome", youhear the smile in Dave's voice before he lets you go, and he smiles as he departs.

The next few days are uneventful, so you and Elizabeth begin making plans to meet. To be honest, you're nervous as shit because you know so fucking little about him, yet you trust him so much. And although he seems mostly composed (if a little annoying) in the majority of his texts, you can tells he's a little bit antsy about it too, which makes you feel a little bit better. You both eventually agree on a park somewhat near to your workplace, which has kind of a hard-to-miss fountain in the dead centre of it. You both seem to know where it is, so you agree to meet there at about midday, in three days time. You're shitting yourself.

'Okay, so it's settled. Saturday, 12:30. I swear to god, if you're alate, I'll spank your ass off of this planet.'

'is that a promise'

'I hate you.'

'you wish'  
'youre bricking it arent you, captain krunch'

'Of course I am.'  
'You know everything about me, and I know jack shit about you.'

'hahah'  
'hahahahhahah'  
'oh god kill me'

'You're bricking it too, aren't you.'

'duh'

'If you wear a fedora, I'm leaving.'

'm'karkat'

'I definitely hate you.'  
'A lot.'

'well im glad youre cheery enough to profess your undying hatred for me today'  
'you must be in a good mood'

'I guess. I mean, how can I not be, I suppose?'  
'Rose's cousin, Dave.'  
'He's done so fucking much for me, and I literally could not be any more grateful.'  
'I've been spending quite a lot of time with him recently, over the past few weeks, more than usual. And it's just...nice.'  
'I like it. I like him.'  


You pause.  


'...I think I love him.'  


'you do?'  


'...Yeah. I think so.'  
'I get this weird tight feeling in my chest when I see him, bit it's like, the good kind?'  
'I don't know if I would have gotten this far without him, I guess.'  
'He means a lot to me.'

'from what youve told me, im sure you mean a lot to him too, karkat'  
'ill see you on saturday i guess'

The next three days are the longest wait of your fucking life. You wonder if you'll be proper friends with Elizabeth after this, and you hope you are. He seemed like a nice person, even if he could be a little odd. You hope he'd like to be proper friends with you too. On Saturday morning, you wake up at 10:30, and take your time getting in the shower, brushing your teeth, and you lay face first on your bed for a full half hour. You genuinely don't know what you're doing with your life. It doesn't take you long to pick out clothes, because it's not like you had a walk in wardrobe to select from anyway, and you pick out dark jeans (seriously, how many pairs do you own?) and a t-shirt with a badger on it. You thought badgers were pretty cool, and the t-shirt was an odd Secret Santa gift from Gamzee in 2012 who thought it would suit you well. It did. 

You're out of the door by ten past 12, and at the park by 12:20, and you sit on a bench facing the fountain, shooting a quick text to Elizabeth notifying him of your sickass badger t-shirt. He says he won't have trouble finding you. Okay, you were wrong, you thought the days leading up to this were bad, but no. The final ten minutes before 12:30 were the most excruciatingly long minutes of anyone's life ever, and you felt so sick that you thought you were going to vomit everywhere. Luckily, you don't, and your watch ticks past 12:30 without a hitch.

12:32, no sign of anybody. 12:33, Dave sits beside you instead.

You turn slightly to face him, eyes narrowed, eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion, nausea subsiding. The fuck was he doing here? He stares straight ahead, face stoic and steeled, completely unreadable.

"You know, people used to take the piss out of me for my middle name", he says suddenly, not even looking at you. His voice betrays him more than he wants it to, you think.

"What", you deadpan, cogs slowly turning in your mind as you try to ignore the impossibly obvious fact right before you. He can't be.

"Elizabeth. David Elizabeth Strider. Bro thought it would be funny. Dirk's middle name is Margaret." You're not laughing. Your heart hurts and your throat is tight- in the bad way. Your hands clench into fists on your lap, and you don't remember the last time you blinked.

"No", you whisper and shake you head slightly, you didn't want this to be the truth. Even though it all added up, he couldn't- he wouldn't do that.

"It's me", Dave begins, voice slightly strained, and he finally looks at you, even if it is through those hideous black shades, "it always has been, Karkat."

"No, that's impossible", why did you sound so small?, "you would've told me." It explained a lot. Why he never spoke about family, never gave you his phone number, never asked for yours; he already had it. And he had for months now, ever since that mistake phone call. How could you be so stupid, so blind?

"I'm sorry", he sounds sorry too, but you won't accept it. You can't.

"I told you everything", you told him everything, your voice raises, "about- about my mother", about your mother, "how horrible I felt", how horrible you felt, you get louder, "how I felt about you-"

"Kat, I should've told you, I'm so sorry."

"Was this all one big shitty joke to you?! I trusted you-more than fucking anyone- and you lied to me! I should have fucking known that you didn't actually care", you laugh bitterly, feeling your legs shake beneath you but not remembering when you stood up, "I can't believe I told you all of that shit- do you know how fucking difficult that was for me? To confide in you- both of you? I thought I meant something!"

"Karkat, you do, especially to me, I swear, you do-"

"I can't believe I told you I loved you", you don't even sound angry as you say it, just deflated, tired, because for so long you'd just wanted somebody, anybody there with you, to tell you it was all okay like Dave had, and the first time you think you're close, and this shit happens. You wonder how hard he laughed at all the stuff you told him, and then you just walk away. You feel him stand up behind you, but he doesn't follow as you leave, arms hugged around yourself.


	11. and he loves you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, that literally could not have gone any worse than it fucking did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is shit and theres a bunch of typos and im sorry this took so long?? also!!!!!!!!! 
> 
>  
> 
> [LOOK AT THIS AMAZING FANART FOR CHATER FIVE IM SCREAMING](http://yahsa.deviantart.com/art/First-Impressions-551586797?ga_submit_new=10%253A1438843883)
> 
>  
> 
> done by the amazing [obviouslyironman](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ObviouslyIronman) <3 seriously im still in shock thank you so much

You were mortified. 

Absolutely, positively, _stupidly_ mortified. How could you not see it? How could you not fucking know it was him? And the worse part is, you bet other people knew before you too. That's probably how Dave's twin, Dork or whatever he's called- knew who you were immediately. Now you know why his family were so weird around you. You feel queezy, nauseous even, and you curl tighter into a ball on your bed. You had gotten back from the park around an four hours ago, barging past Sollux on your way to our room. He was kind of concerned because haha you looked like a fucking angry mess. So, here you are, lying in a foetal position on your bed with your face pushed into your pillow in hope that maybe, just maybe, you could suffocate yourself to death if you tried hard enough. You phone, however, resides at the end of your bed, buzzing softly against the sheets as a certain David _Elizabeth_ Strider makes countless futile attempts to contact your sorry ass. Your room-mate, in the meantime, has only opened your bedroom door once in order to slide a plate onto your floor. It's cheesecake, and you love cheesecake, but you haven't touched it. You hope he doesn't call Kanaya.

You weren't so much _mad-_ just embarrassed. How could he do that? Keep that from you for months whilst you made an absolute fool of yourself, telling him almost every thought in your head, and telling him directly how you felt? You think if you saw him again you'd die of pure mortification. And then resurrect yourself just to punch Dave in his stupid attractive face. You weren't mad. Shut up.

You're pulled from your train of thought when you hear muffled voices from though your bedroom door, and so you pull yourself from you bed and press your ear to the wood. It sounds like someone was at your front door, and you can just about hear Sollux's curt, lispy tone. You cant make out what he's saying, nor who he's saying it to, but it doesn't take you long to hear your name brought up in the conversation. When you open your door a crack, you just about see Dave at your front door, turning around and leaving as Sollux closes it, returning to the living room to his computer no doubt. You don't think you want to read the texts Dave left left you.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, that literally could not have gone any worse than it fucking did.

After Karkat storms off, you make the decision to leave him be for a while, and go home yourself. You know how he likes to deal with shit and that certainly does not involve you badgering him when he's still trying to make sense of this all. You feel absolutely terrible, even worse than before because he trusted you so much and you feel like... you betrayed him? Hell, the kid told you that he loved you (even if he didn't mean for _you_ to actually read it). You didn't deserve him, you know that, you just didn't want it to be true, because what the fuck, you think you love him too, and you just want to help him, even if just a little. You doubt he'd even give your texts a second glance now, but it's worth a shot. It gets past 4pm and you're dying inside. When he ignores your first two calls, think you better just start leaving a few messages instead.

'hey k'  
'i know youre mad at me for not saying anything and holy shit i am more sorry than a nun in a whorehouse but please speak to me'  
'i mean i have some sort of half assed reasoning as to why i fucked you over like that'  
'and like i said i really am sorry'  
'im not expecting you to be ok immediately and just let me leap into your arms because thats really stupid i know'  
'but i want you to be okay'  
'and i know im a terrible douchebag and i have a load of explaining to do'  
'please dont be mad at yourself because i know what youre like and the last thing you need to do is think that this is all your fault'  
'you arent stupid at all for not realising that it was me i was just an asshole for not telling you'  
'i might pop over in a bit but just gimme a call some time okay?'

You can tell he hasn't read them, and you doubt he will for a while, and you're just itching to get up and go talk to him, so you give in to your urges and go. You power-walk to his place, a little out of breath when you get there, knocking quietly on the door in hope that Sollux isn't the one to open it and hey there he is how are you. You really did not want to explain your predicament with Karkat to him. He looks at you blankly with those odd heterochromatic eyes and narrows them a bit.

"Hey?", it's more of a question that leaves your mouth rather than a sturdy greeting, but he brushes it off.

"I'm gething that you're here for Karkat", one side of his mouth turns up in a little smug smirk because he thinks you're probably banging his room-mate or something. You wish. He continues speaking. "Well I'm pretty sure he'th been in hith room ignoring everyone for the patht four hourth or tho, tho I don't think it'th a good idea."

"Come on, man, please? I really need to see him", you plead almost like a child, but you just _had_ to talk to him. It was important. Sollux rolls his weird eyes at your tone then shakes his head, and you know how stubborn he is, and how strangely protective he is of Karkat, so you back off, turn around and leave with a mumbled 'fine'. You're pretty sure he's glaring at the back of your head, and the slight slam of the door closing behind you makes you jump a little. You call Karkat once more, and he obviously doesn't pick up. You didn't know why you expected him to that time.

You spend the next few days horribly Karkat-less, and by the time Thursday rolls around, you've genuinely forgotten how you used to spend your days if you weren't with him or texting him. It hurts a little. Yesterday, there was another gathering at Aradia's house, a smaller group of you chilling rather than the full squad. You spent a lot of time with Terezi that evening simply because Karkat just didn't show up, and as hilarious (no, you mean really hilarious) it was to hang out with TZ, you couldn't help but just wish he was there chilling with you too. It's late in the afternoon, and you're walking back from Rose's house where you'd been hanging out with her and Kanaya. You'd explained to them what happened between you two and Kanaya looked like she could've slapped- you but she didn't and you're grateful. Rose on the other hand doesn't bother holding back, and punches your arm with a force that does not match her appearance. Rubbing the forming bruise on your arm, you recall that Karkat works afternoons on Thursdays, and change your course from your house to the worst coffee shop known to man to see if you can catch him before he leaves.

As soon as you walk through the door, he sees you, and starts tugging on the arm of the douchey-faced hipster with the purple streak in his hair. No doubt to try and get him to deal with you instead. The hipster wants nothing to do with either of you, it seems, and turns his attention back to his phone instead. By the time you reach the counter, Karkat's wearing the most shop-front smile you've ever seen and you want death's sweet embrace to come a take you from this earth.

"Uhhh", you stare blankly up at the board above Karkat's head that literally means nothing to you. You never liked coffee. It tastes like ass. "Hot chocolate, please", there we go. he makes your drink silently, then hands it over, and you slide a five dollar bill over the counter, and you soon receive your change. You don't move even as the transaction has finished- after all, it's almost closing time and there was no one waiting to order behind you.

"So..", you begin.

"So", he repeats, apathetic as shit.

"You get my texts?"

"I haven't checked my phone in the past six days."

"Ah." RKO outta nowhere- ouch.

"Yeah." You're dying inside.

"When do you get off work?", you ask, knowing the answer to your own question.

"Ten minutes", he answers. So you go the booth at the back of the shop, with your hot chocolate, and you wait. 

Ten minutes later, you see Karkat walk from behind the counter, straight out of the door, without giving you a second look, and you stand abruptly. You're about to run straight after him, because you have to see him, but you're very surprised to see him leaning on the outside wall waiting for you instead. He still returns all of your gazes with apathetic ones and you start walking down the street in the direction of both of your places. The first two minutes of silence is broken by you.

"I guess I have some explaining to do."

"No, you don't", he says curtly, "I should've worked it out. I feel stupid, that's all, it's nothing."

"I should've _told_ you, Kat. I don't even know why I waited so long to tell you it was me- I was just so over the moon because you trusted me, and I liked you and I panicked and obviously did something stupid. I don't want you to feel like you were dumb for not working it out." The looks he gives you soften slightly and he chews his lip between his teeth.

"You liked me? Where are my flowers, then", you missed that little smile.

"Of course I liked you, you ass", you smile the tiniest bit, "and when you started texting me telling me that you were sort of interested in me, I got vain, and stupid, because I wanted to know that I meant something to you. I promise you, I never meant for shit to go that far, and I sure as hell didn't mean to hurt you and make you feel like you'd made an ass out of yourself." You decide not to bring up the whole inadvertent confession for a while, plus, your're shit at feelings anyway, and you don't want to rush to tell him anything just yet. Not when you think you think he's only just about forgiven you. You pause, trying to gauge his reaction to what you're saying. When he looks at you, his eyes are narrowed like he's trying to see into you, and you sort of wish you'd put on your shades today. Eventually, he just punches your arm (fuck, your bruise) before linking it through his.

"Walk me home, numbnuts."

And you do. And you kiss his cheek at the door but he doesn't return your texts... yet.


	12. happyending.jpeg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You missed his smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuckfuck im so sorry i waited so long to update????????? ive been super mega busy, and struggling to find the motivation for writing around being tired as fuck because of all the work ive been doing, but i promise, ill never leave an update this long ever again holy dicks. also, next chapter will be the last chapter!!! itll be set like a year later and will be pure fluff tbh
> 
> sorry again, and hello!!!
> 
> this is going to be short chapter, but im also starting a new fic woopie

Of course, you didn't expect Karkat to forgive you straight away. You weren't some sort of moron (all the time, anyway). Plus, you both needed a little time to calm down from all of the angst- after all, your life wasn't some sort of fucking fan-fiction (hahahahahaha, kill me). But now, you can both finally get better. Sure, it’s only been six days for the pair of you, but holy hell, they've been the longest six days you've ever encountered. You feel like an obscene weight has been lifted off of your shoulders, and maybe you could go back to normal after this- back to whatever weird flirty friendship you two had with each other before. Although, you obviously know that things won't be exactly how they were. You hope they wouldn't be, anyway. No more secrets; you just wanted to be there for him, really. That's all you ever wanted. And hey, you never know, maybe if you were lucky, you and him might just be able to-

You missed his smile.

You’re home now, having got back about twenty minutes ago, (but still feeling incredibly please with yourself) stretched out lazily across the couch in your living room, cell phone twiddled idly in your hands as you stare into space (subconsciously waiting for him to text back, you supposed). God, you’re really spaced out, aren't you? You barely hear Rose enter- you swore the house was empty anyway.

“Why on earth are you smiling so much?”, she asks, dragging your feet off of the couch to make room for her ass.

“None of your cheesy beeswax, blondey”, you retort, ignoring the fact that you too, are a blond, and resting you feet on her lap.

“You haven’t looked this pleased since Karkat came over with macaroni and cheese like a fortnight ago.”

“Who the fuck even says the word ‘fortnight’ anymore who either hasn't been dead 800 years, or lives in Buckingham Palace?”

“You’re changing topics, and it’s not working. Did you finally talk to him?”

“Yeah.”

“I'm guessing it went well, then.”

“No-one is getting hot deets on mine and Karkat’s juicy love story before I do, Lalonde. We’re on good terms, it’s good. I'm not gonna jinx it, man.”

“I’ll take that as a yes?”

“…Yeah.”

You’re just hoping to God that he thinks the same thing.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And after that, things get better. 

Dave leaves you at your door with a kiss on your cheek and as you close it behind you, you feel a little smile grow on your face, just for a moment. But it’s enough. You feel significantly less shitty than you did before, and you start to remember why you liked seeing him; gosh, the last six days have been long. Sure, you might still be a little mad, and you still feel a little dim for not working it out before, but you genuinely feel like he didn't mean to hurt you, as you previously assumed. Sure, Dave is an asshole, but his intentions are probably better than you give him credit for, and you’re an asshole too. You’re practically made for each other.

You end up spend the evening participating in some much needed bro-time as a sort of silent thank you to Sollux for putting up with your six-day strop. Turning your phone on for the first time in almost a week, you order pizza for the pair of you, before setting the device down and joining Sollux on the living room for a well-deserved game of Firefight (you're both suckers for Halo). Time flies, and you easily remember how much you love hanging out with your friend. Hell, even you need a break from all the angst sometimes- your life isn't a fucking fanfiction, after all (hahhahhahahahahhhh, here I am again). After receiving two large boxes of pizza from a strange angry Albanian man at your front door, you sit again, and that's when Sollux gets that look on his face again. Y'know, that look Kanaya always wears whenever you mention Dave. Setting the boxes down, you swivel on your butt to face him a little before he speaks up.

"Sooo", he grins. You want to punch him, and he does a remarkably good job of making you roll your eyes so easily. 

"So what, cum-guzzler." He clutches the material of his t-shirt at his chest, feigning heartbreak as you roll your eyes once more.

"What-th happening with you and Mr. Indoor-Thunglathes. You banging yet?" Your eyes practically rolls to the back of our head. You’re dead and gone.

"No, we're not banging yet, but I'll be sure to ask him when he's scheduled our first fuck for. Then I'll get back to you", you say sarcastically, and he only grins wider because he KNOWS you like Dave (it’s all fun and games until someone catches the feelings). You spend the rest of the night gossiping, insulting each other, losing at games, and you almost have a food fight. What can you say? You enjoy the simpler things in life.

By around two o 'clock in the morning, Sollux is conked out cold, you’re doing surprisingly well at Sonic heroes all on your lonesome, and you drift to sleep feeling relatively calm, which you’re more than happy about. When you wake, Sollux is drooling contently on your shoulder, and you finally take the time to read through the texts Dave sent you over the past few days.

... You can't help but think it's sort of sweet.

Over the next two weeks or so, things pretty much go back to normal. No, better than normal. You feel a little more secure in yourself, and who you are with Dave, even though you are more than confused about what you and Dave actually are. It's odd, because you're closer than you've ever been, and he's easily one of your closest friends, but at the same time, all he does is bring question marks up in your head. You hold hands a lot, and sleep round each other's places often. He still makes shitty jokes, you're getting better at Yu- Gi- Oh, and you both open up to each other about your family before your parental figures died. Currently, you're both in your living room, sprawled across your couch. The lights are off, Dave's head rested against your chest in such a way that you can't tell whether he's awake or not. Your fingers are tangled gently in his hair, running down from the top of his head to the softer hair of his undercut (which is starting to grow out- you need to remind him to get a haircut). He looks small under your shared blanket, especially with the way the light spills over him from the hallway, whilst the rest of the room remained dark. The bob of blonde hair rises and falls calmly with your breathing, you're 100% sure that he can hear your heartbeat with his ear to your ribcage like that. You wonder if he's comfortable. The arms around your middle tense slightly.

"You awake?", a very tired voice rumbles through your ribcage, and Dave moves his head to rest his chin on you instead. He looks tired.

"Nope. I have my eyes open, and talk whilst I'm sleeping, didn't I tell you?", you retort quietly, yawning a little afterwards. His hand moves to tuck a strand of hair behind you ear- it's cliché, and stupid, but he knows it works on you because you're a huge sap.

"Salty."

"Lame." Dave shuffles closer to you by moving like an inch worm up the side of your couch, and you snort at the action because he looks like an idiot, especially as he refusing to move his other arm from around you as he does so. Eventually, he's close enough to headbutt you before he settles down beside you (on top of you), and pushes his lips to yours. It doesn't catch you off guard anymore, when he kisses you; and it doesn't catch him off guard when you initiate the kiss either. So, obviously, you kiss him back, the butterflies in your stomach still there from your first kiss with him outside your apartment door, as he uses he spare hand to cup your cheek. It's slow and shallow and just plain nice, if you're honest, and its a few more long seconds before you both pull away.

You don't know exactly what you are to him, what he is to you, or even if you want to label it yet, but you could do this all day long.


End file.
